Hey, how's it going? I really appreciate you driving all the way up to pick me up from my sister's house. It was a really long drive, huh? I mean, especially after you worked all day. Was it too windy? No? Well, that's good.
So, um, I was meaning to tell you that while I stayed at my sister's house something happened. I didn't really mean for it to happen, but it just, you know, kind of, happened. You know how my sister's kids are like, crazy, right? And the little one likes to eat on the couch a lot? And the other ones wrestle and put their dirty shoes on the couch and stuff? Well, like when I was there, they like, you know drank a bunch of soda and ate a whole mess of pudding and cookies and stuff and then like, well... they gang-raped the couch.
It all happened so fast. There were cushions everywhere and everything got stained and I was so tired and I had a couple of glasses of wine and things were so crazy and you weren't there, you know? I like, I didn't know what to do and I just... I sat on the couch. I know! I know I shouldn't have, but everyone else was sitting down in the chairs and on the cushions on the floor and on the arms of the messed up couch and I was tired and I had some wine, like I said. I was confused, and sad. Those kids are crazy! It wasn't my fault!
I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. It's all a blur in my mind and I know I should have told you sooner, but I was ashamed. How do you tell someone that your sister's kids are couch-rapists?
So like, I think maybe you and your couch should maybe go get tested?
I think everybody should get tested and then retested. It's worse than we thought.
ReplyDelete