Why Can't Homosexuals Just Let us Take the Damn Picture?

I know, I know. Pirates killed my father. But you know what? I'm just not ready to discuss it.

Do you know what I am ready to talk about? Why gay men can't just take a regular picture like the rest of us. Cheeks sucked in, one eyebrow raised like they are asking a provocative question, their heads tilted, one shoulder slightly forward, as if prompted by an invisible Glamour Shots photographer. Even more disturbing are the hundreds and hundreds of these photos that are stored in the memory cards of the Droids and iPhones these men carry, not only of themselves but of other men. They snap pictures of themselves constantly, while driving especially, and then swap them like electronic trading cards.

In group photos the gay can always be spotted sitting up the straightest (how ironic) perfectly posed and making best use of the available lighting. The rest of us are slouched and shoving a sandwich in our faces, with half-closed eyes that make us appear as though we have been drinking since nine o'clock that morning. Which, in my case, is probably true.

I suppose my title was a bit misleading, because upon reflection, these men don't make us stop so they can get in perfect picture mode, they just somehow always are when the flash goes off. Which makes me wonder, are they perpetually prepared for photographic opportunities, more photogenic than heterosexuals, and females in general or are they just superhuman picture ninjas?