Holy crap! Since you heard my dad died, that was like so awesome of you to friend me on Facebook and then show up to my dad's funeral after you totally blew me off for like three years. I'm totally going to forget about how you didn't call or text me or email me back after I got divorced. I know, my ex-husband was for sure the one to side with, even though I didn't cheat on him or spend all our money on hookers and blow, he was obviously the victim because he was way better at looking pitiful. So you were absolutely in the right to take his side and ignore me and act like we were never friends in the first place.
No, seriously, I get it. It's absolutely the grown up thing to do, to decide which of us you were loyal to and then completely shun the other. I loved how you made up for it though, by looking ashamed and telling my mom, a grieving widow, how you felt really bad and wish you had called me or something. That was classy. But do you know what my all-time-favorite part was? How you hand delivered some letter from my ex-husband to my mother. That was awesome! No I didn't actually read the letter, but I bet whatever it said was something a grown up that was too embarrassed to show up to his ex-father-in-law's funeral would say.
Cool, well, it was really great seeing you. Thanks for the hug, I enjoyed comforting you while you cried during my time of loss. And, you know, if you ever feel guilty enough to awkwardly contact me again, go for it! I'll probably be halfways polite and not introduce you to my new husband again!
ADDENDUM: Okay, so it's like three weeks later and I'm a total bitch. But you can't fault me for it. Or, you probably can. Agreed: it's my fault I'm an absolute bitch. I'm going to play the "My Dad Just Died" card, and I'll see your "I Know You Were Friends With th Ex-Husband Longer" and I'll raise you a "I Suppose I Shouldn't Get So Angry, it's an Awkward Situation All Around."
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